SHE

I thought I was done with this story, but it seems the story is not.

I was interviewed on camera today at the RPS to talk about the inspiration for my Associateship panel and, in preparation, I’ve been revisiting the writing that is the heart of the SHE project, marrying up some of the images it inspired.

This is a good thing but I have been avoiding it. If I’m honest – and I really didn’t expect this to be the case – I struggle going back to that dark place. It’s filled with so many fucking tears, and now my head is full of the bloody thing again.

But the story is not done yet, because it hasn’t been fully told. And until I get over myself and finish it properly, it never will be done. SHE was always more than a qualification panel, that’s not why I started the project. This was a story I needed to tell, to be heard. To be seen. The end of The Edge says it all…

Once more pressed to the end where reason remains, clinging
On a knife edge
While all are turned to the east as dawn breaks for The One
The other teeters – unseen, unheard,
Undone

As I read that now, four years on, I know I was silently screaming at everyone else, but it dawns on me I should have been facing the mirror….

“Stop worrying about him. He has had your love. Look at me. I need your love more”

Now I’m fucking crying again. Dammit.

SHE was never about cancer, that’s just something else that happened to be happening as well. It was – is – my way of showing you what it was like to live those other tragedies, one after the other, one on top of the other.

Anyway, that’s all I can take for today…  If, Dear Reader, you’re new to me and haven’t a clue what I’m talking about, a quick read here and here will help a little, but don’t worry. I’ve never fully explained the SHE project in one place or published the panel – still working on that, lol, but it is coming! If you read the blog, you’ll understand – start with The She Inside and work back…